So I find myself this last weekend checking out a baseball game, you know, America's past time. Why not. Personally I'm there for the Nachos and $8 beer, but who cares, right?
As a plus, I am told by those that know of such things, that it is a fan appreciation night. That means I am getting something for free, and granted, I'm not struggling and looking for handouts, but I can't say no to something really cool for free.
As we get out of the car, the free item has become rather obvious. Bad ass T-shirts, that say fan appreciation on them, so everyone will know when you wear it that you were there and they were not. Your friends will be super jealous, and the girls are going to go crazy for it.
So we get in line, show our tickets, and now it is time to get our free shirt!!! But you know what? I get handed what seems like an XXXXXXL T-shirt that wouldn't even fit Tommy Lasorda AFTER the weight watchers. Are you kidding me? So I ask this 192 year old person handing these out, "hey, you got anything here smaller than a freaking para sail?" And I get this, "would you prefer a child size?" A CHILD SIZE SHE SAYS. You know, this sort of thing doesn't bother me. Don't care, not going to get all worked up over B. Arthur or whatever the hell Golden Girl she looked like, I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My face might say I'm PISSED OFF and I may be a little redder in the face than usual (i got sunburned the day before is why) but trust me on the inside I am cool and composed. But you know what R-TARD is standing directly behind me??? Some underachieving FRAT BOY and the rest of his Neanderthal drunk friends... And of course they heard this exchange. So Alpha Male starts laughing and laughing. One of his friends with an IQ of ZERO makes some kind of comment like "awww is it going to cry?" 
I think to myself, dear God turn me into the most badass ninja from feudal China and give me the strength to go DOUBLE DRAGON on these guys, give me the ability to impress EVERY GIRL in this stadium with powerful scissor kicks and swift and precise punches, and please don't let me break my glasses in the process (I am out of contacts right now, I don't want any glasses jokes!!!!!!! THIS ISN'T JR. HIGH) But you know what? I don't resort to violence. At least not in this world. I will go Mike Tyson on someone online, such as in this little game called WORLD OF WARCRAFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And besides, its not like I'm going to tell these brainiac frat boys to find me online and I will make you all sorry! I doubt they even play WOLRD OF WARCRAFT, and if they did I HIGHLY HIGHLY doubt they would give me their screen names, for obvious fear induced reasons of course. And even if they they did play, and they were very stupid enough to tell me how to find them in the WARCRAFT UNIVERSE, even asking them would confuse the old lady handing out big shirts, she would probably ask a billion stupid questions like what's that, what's a computer, how does electricity work. WHATEVER!!!!!!!
So I leave these guys and put it behind me, since it doesn't bother me, I mean not even one bit does it bother me. I have a HUGE shirt now. I was thinking I could turn it into kind of a muscle shirt, you know, cut the sleeves off and maybe some of the length and show some skin. I don't know, I am sure it will be a collector item someday, and if I'm not going to open my Super Man Dies comic in the Black Packaging then I sure as hell can't destroy this shirt. If and let me stress WHEN I get myself another girlfriend, I guess she can wear it around the house or to bed or something.
