I would just like to dedicate some time to all the support I have gotten over this blog. The emails have been pouring in, and a lot of you have some great things to say. I would like to share a few emails with all of you that really spoke volumes of the understanding and sincerity of my fellow blog readers.
James from Nebraska wrote: "Hey little fella! Love your blog. Love everything about you. You seem like a great guy, don't worry about that girlfriend thing, they will be running after you before you know it!"
What a nice guy! James, I'm giving you a shout out on the blog. I think your cool too! When I finally win the lotto (It is in the works ladies and gentleman) you kind sir will have a seat on the plane on our way to paradise.
Beth from New York wrote: "I was tearing up and giggling at work reading your account of Pretty in Pink! Great outline of the movie, I just love that movie! However I loved the dress she came up with, don't forget that she didn't have much to work with, I mean her Dad couldn't really afford to get her a proper dress. Anywhoo, you keep writing and I'll keep reading!"
Wow Beth, thank you so much for writing in. I think that is awesome you loved my account of Pretty in Pink. You sound really attractive. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you want one? Because I am 100% single and ready to mingle. Think about it and get back to me. We are going to have to agree to disagree with the dress that she wears in the end though. Promise me that if and when we start dating you won't wear anything like that. Granted, I would let a girl wear a garbage bag out on a date with me if that would mean I would get to go on a date with a girl (I'M NOT DESPERATE IT'S JUST THAT I THINK A GARBAGE BAG WOULD BE HOTTER THAN THAT DRESS SHE WEARS IN THE END). I can agree with you 100% about her dad there, total deadbeat. Get a job!!!!! Loser!!!!!!! So we have something in common there hating her dad. You used the word anywhoo, that kind of makes me think that you are a little bit older, which isn't a big deal, I'm way into older chicks. Get in contact with me. Immediately.
Chris from California wrote: "Furious Gnome! You have an interesting sense of humor. Or at least I am hoping you have some kind of sense of humor and this isn't just you being you. But if it is that is cool I guess."
You know what Chris? I agonized over this one for awhile. I couldn't decide if it was a compliment or you were calling me a queer in some way. I favored caution here and thought that you were paying me a compliment. Thank you by the way for the compliment. Sometimes I make some jokes on here, but for the most part I am just being me. I'm a straight shooter. Looking for a girlfriend. Let me know if you know anyone who is looking for a boyfriend, as I also live in California. I'm willing to drive a little if necessary, like maybe 200-700 miles if need be. So don't let geography keep me and my future gal apart. Keep me posted.
Those were pretty much the cream of the crop for the nice emails. I say "nice" emails because there is a particular person on the Internet who has sent me some very hurtful emails. His name is Mitch and he is from New Jersey. It is people like Mitch who give people from New Jersey a bad name, because I have been to New Jersey, it was beautiful. But assholes like this give it a bad name.
Mitch wrote: "Furious Douche. I used to kick people like you around my Jr. High and later High School for fun. You keep talking about a girlfriend, give it up. You will never have a girlfriend. You wrote 2,000 words on Pretty in Pink, come on! Who are you kidding? Your a midget. If I ever saw you, I would pick you up and recycle you in a trash can. You could have 10,000 match.com profiles and you would never get a date, let alone a girlfriend. World of Warcraft? Case in point, so why don't you spend more time in your anti-reality and stop polluting the Internet. We have enough Psychos on here as is. Die."
Wow Mitch. And I thought I was furious. Sure I get a little angry from time to time, but you have some serious issues. I chose to share your email because I believe that there must be some good in there inside you. Do you have a girlfriend? Prove it! Your probably single just like me sitting at home on a Thursday night hating life because you never left High School. While the rest of us went on to college and got degrees in Computer Science you stayed home lifting weights or playing football. World of Warcraft Hater! What's your problem with that game? It doesn't bother you. Or is it that you just don't understand computers? You hear mouse and you want to call an exterminator you freakin idiot! I got news for you Mitch. Your an asshole, and there are more of us nice people than there are of you, so you'll get what's coming to you. And what is coming to you? Absolutely nothing loser! And I'm not going to die! I'm going to keep on keepin on! So go crawl back under the rock you came from in New Jersey. AND I'M NOT A MIDGET! DON'T CALL ME A MIDGET! I'M FIVE FEET TALL, THAT IS NOT A MIDGET!
Gosh, what a dick. Anyways, or anywhoo as Beth the hottie wrote, Mitch gave me an incredible idea. I think I'm going to give this online dating thing a try. And since Mitch spoke so highly of match.com, I think I will start there. I am going to remain optimistic, because personally I think I'm going to need 9,999 less accounts then he thinks. I'll keep all my loyal readers of GNOME NATION out there updated on my success.
Keep sending in those emails!