I would like to take this opportunity to introduce a very special friend of mine, Mr. Ron Artest. The embodiment of what the furious gnome is all about. Here is a man with a plan. In the picture to the right, you can see Ron Ron getting to know somebody in his special way. You can almost hear him thinking, a twist of the wrist, and it will all be over... shhhhhhhhhhh, shhhhhhh, go to sleep.
I like this guy. A lot. Majorly Furious dude. Upset at all of mankind. Apocolypse Now.
In that movie Armageddon, Ron Artest played the role of the asteroid.
The NBA playoffs are going on right now, and everyone is talking about the Kobe Bryant / Ron Artest match up. Cool. Great. I'm thinking of some epic matchups here with Ron Artest.
Ron Artest vs. Alien. Now this is a hell of a match up. Alien has corrosive acid breath. Sneaky as all hell. Operates best in the confines of a spaceship, preferably one in deep space. But can it defend a pick and roll? No. Has alien ever been suspended by the league for an entire season? No. Can the alien bench press a dodge Neon? Hell no. Advantage Artest.I'd like to see Captain Ron get into acting once he is done with shooty hoops. He would make the ultimate villain. If I was the director, I would berate him and insult him right before a scene, to get the juices going. Action! You know he would give the performance of a lifetime.
ESPN is reporting on the last Rockets / Lakers game. They pulled this quote from Ron:
"'Five Dollar Foot-long' is one of the best songs," Artest said. "That's a hot song. You've got the FreeCreditReport.com, and then 'Five Dollar Foot-long' comes on. When 'Five Dollar Foot-long' comes on, they should play that in the club. They should play all those in the club."
I'm not making this shit up. Do you understand why I consider this guy a genious now? Game 7 of the second round. Contract year for Mr. Artest. Matched up against one of the games greats in Kobe. His face says he wants to kill. His eyes burn an intense fire. But in his head?
Five, five, five dollar foot long!
You got to love this guy. Your a class act in my book Captain Ron.
Ron does have me thinking though, about that hot chick from the five dollar foot long commercial. More on that later.