These got me all busted up. Laughing so hard my Mom was knocking on my bedroom door thinking I was "drinking too many redbulls again." Yeah right Mom. Just spending my time on youtube living the dream.
Here is Data in the mix for the Vulcan ambassador:
Deanna Troy laughs her ass off at Riker. Classic.
And this one with Picard giving his classic "B" performance.
Data goes all Furious Gnome on him....
Data drops the F bomb on the Captain and Riker has to slap him around a bit.
In case any of you are wondering, I still have no girlfriend, live at home with my parents, and have an abundance of free time.
But I have the job interview of a lifetime tomorrow. If I can pull this off and charm them, I will be set for the rest of my life.
Wish me luck!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Getting Down With The Next Generation
I loved Star Trek The Next Generation. This essentially made many of my Friday nights growing up. Loved this show.
Picard? Legit. Riker? Pimp a$$ player. Deanna Troy? My place or yours. Wesley Crusher? Dude, you got to kiss a very young and hot Ashley Jud in episode 106: The game. Major hotness.
Am I alone? I think not. This show in a lot of ways was more important than my high school education. In fact, check out this gem I found on youtube, a hot rap duo putting it on the line for TNG.
Check it, playas!
And if that wasn't enough, check this out:
This is my main man Picard getting down. Actually, it is a funny edit of a bunch of episodes and some movie Jean Luc was in.
Your welcome my friends.
Picard? Legit. Riker? Pimp a$$ player. Deanna Troy? My place or yours. Wesley Crusher? Dude, you got to kiss a very young and hot Ashley Jud in episode 106: The game. Major hotness.
Am I alone? I think not. This show in a lot of ways was more important than my high school education. In fact, check out this gem I found on youtube, a hot rap duo putting it on the line for TNG.
Check it, playas!
And if that wasn't enough, check this out:
This is my main man Picard getting down. Actually, it is a funny edit of a bunch of episodes and some movie Jean Luc was in.
Your welcome my friends.
Monday, May 18, 2009
An incredibly awkward four minutes
I like the Lakers. I like Hip Hop. I like Kobe Bryant.
I wish I could play for the Lakers, but I have no basketball skills. I would love to be a rap star, but my lyrical skills are amature at best. And let's face it folks, I am no Kobe. I can't exactly slam dunk a basketball.
In any case, since my love for Lakers-Hip Hop-Kobe is a well known fact, one would think I would love the following clip. Just to recap it for you, this is Kobe Bryant featuring Tyra Banks. Someone gave Kobe a microphone and put on some hip hop beats. Somehow Tyra shows up.
What follows is the most awkward moment of my life, 10 times more awkward than the time I peed my pants in 8th grade and had to wear my PE shorts for the rest of the day (which no one does unless you pee your pants)
Apparently Shaq was so jealous of how lame this was, that he could not let Kobe have all the fun.
Shaq's response:
Jesus Christ guys. Stick to basketball. Thanks.
And yes Shaq, you are quite outstanding. And modest.
I wish I could play for the Lakers, but I have no basketball skills. I would love to be a rap star, but my lyrical skills are amature at best. And let's face it folks, I am no Kobe. I can't exactly slam dunk a basketball.
In any case, since my love for Lakers-Hip Hop-Kobe is a well known fact, one would think I would love the following clip. Just to recap it for you, this is Kobe Bryant featuring Tyra Banks. Someone gave Kobe a microphone and put on some hip hop beats. Somehow Tyra shows up.
What follows is the most awkward moment of my life, 10 times more awkward than the time I peed my pants in 8th grade and had to wear my PE shorts for the rest of the day (which no one does unless you pee your pants)
Apparently Shaq was so jealous of how lame this was, that he could not let Kobe have all the fun.
Shaq's response:
Jesus Christ guys. Stick to basketball. Thanks.
And yes Shaq, you are quite outstanding. And modest.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Philosopher Bruce Lee
In the quest for a girlfriend I believe channeling some inner Bruce Lee philosophy will help me in my quest.
Bruce Lee was incredible. After spending what felt like 5 days straight on youtube, I came across this gem.
At 1:25 is where the video really opens up. At that point Bruce is speaking directly to the viewer.
He wasn't only a master of Kung Fu, but a philosopher with a very unique style and interpretation of the things around him.
I would be lying if I said I never day dreamed about having the skills of Bruce Lee. They would be incredible handy for a guy like me, who often times finds himself in some compromising situations, real misunderstandings with people if you ask me.
Not two days ago I found myself in one of these situations while standing in line at Del Taco. I was in there around 2 pm, and the local high school just got out, huge mistake, because there were 2,000 kids in there. I wait and wait in line, (I have no car right now, hence this BS situation) and finally I'm like the next person and this football player dude just cuts in front of me. I didn't even see where he came from, but there he was.
The guy behind the counter sees all of this, and was wearing this look on his face that was like "hey you just cutted" which made the guy turn around and look at me. This is where the Bruce Lee in me would like to take over, and ask this punk if he would like to ENTER THE DRAGON and give him a scissor kick that would put him through the window, teaching him a lesson that you just can't CUT IN FRONT OF SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TOO. I understand I am not that imposing of a figure, but still, you can't be that dumb you don't understand the concept of a line moron.
I would say something like, "you picked on the wrong small guy my friend" and proceed to put on a martial arts display the likes which haven't been seen. Of course there would be some hot chick or something in there that would be impressed beyond imagination and would agree to multiple dates with me.
But I have no Bruce Lee skills. The jock stared at me, and I looked away. Granted, this kid is probably like 17 years old, but that doesn't change the fact that he could body slam me WWF style. I would be embarrassed, and it would feel just like High School again.
So I had to wait like 2 extra minutes to get my big fat chicken tacos. But I live another day.
Until then, I'm going to play more street fighter 2 and practice some moves.
Bruce Lee was incredible. After spending what felt like 5 days straight on youtube, I came across this gem.
At 1:25 is where the video really opens up. At that point Bruce is speaking directly to the viewer.
He wasn't only a master of Kung Fu, but a philosopher with a very unique style and interpretation of the things around him.
I would be lying if I said I never day dreamed about having the skills of Bruce Lee. They would be incredible handy for a guy like me, who often times finds himself in some compromising situations, real misunderstandings with people if you ask me.
Not two days ago I found myself in one of these situations while standing in line at Del Taco. I was in there around 2 pm, and the local high school just got out, huge mistake, because there were 2,000 kids in there. I wait and wait in line, (I have no car right now, hence this BS situation) and finally I'm like the next person and this football player dude just cuts in front of me. I didn't even see where he came from, but there he was.
The guy behind the counter sees all of this, and was wearing this look on his face that was like "hey you just cutted" which made the guy turn around and look at me. This is where the Bruce Lee in me would like to take over, and ask this punk if he would like to ENTER THE DRAGON and give him a scissor kick that would put him through the window, teaching him a lesson that you just can't CUT IN FRONT OF SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TOO. I understand I am not that imposing of a figure, but still, you can't be that dumb you don't understand the concept of a line moron.
I would say something like, "you picked on the wrong small guy my friend" and proceed to put on a martial arts display the likes which haven't been seen. Of course there would be some hot chick or something in there that would be impressed beyond imagination and would agree to multiple dates with me.
But I have no Bruce Lee skills. The jock stared at me, and I looked away. Granted, this kid is probably like 17 years old, but that doesn't change the fact that he could body slam me WWF style. I would be embarrassed, and it would feel just like High School again.
So I had to wait like 2 extra minutes to get my big fat chicken tacos. But I live another day.
Until then, I'm going to play more street fighter 2 and practice some moves.
Friday, May 15, 2009
The $5 foot long girl in the yellow gloves
Christ almighty I think your real hot. Why do they only show you for 2 seconds?
I really like your gloves too, not sure if anyone told you that. You look like your a lot of fun too. You have some dance moves. I like that. Would you like to earn $5 the hard way?
Let me introduce myself to you. I live at home with my parents. But they are cool I guess. I'm not technically working right now, but that is OK. Your doing commercials, so we would have some cash flow to get us through these tough times. All you need is love, right? And your paychecks of course.
At $5 a foot sweetheart, 25 bucks is all it takes to get me. Think about it.
The Genius of Ron Artest
I would like to take this opportunity to introduce a very special friend of mine, Mr. Ron Artest. The embodiment of what the furious gnome is all about. Here is a man with a plan. In the picture to the right, you can see Ron Ron getting to know somebody in his special way. You can almost hear him thinking, a twist of the wrist, and it will all be over... shhhhhhhhhhh, shhhhhhh, go to sleep.
I like this guy. A lot. Majorly Furious dude. Upset at all of mankind. Apocolypse Now.
In that movie Armageddon, Ron Artest played the role of the asteroid.
The NBA playoffs are going on right now, and everyone is talking about the Kobe Bryant / Ron Artest match up. Cool. Great. I'm thinking of some epic matchups here with Ron Artest.
Ron Artest vs. Alien. Now this is a hell of a match up. Alien has corrosive acid breath. Sneaky as all hell. Operates best in the confines of a spaceship, preferably one in deep space. But can it defend a pick and roll? No. Has alien ever been suspended by the league for an entire season? No. Can the alien bench press a dodge Neon? Hell no. Advantage Artest.I'd like to see Captain Ron get into acting once he is done with shooty hoops. He would make the ultimate villain. If I was the director, I would berate him and insult him right before a scene, to get the juices going. Action! You know he would give the performance of a lifetime.
ESPN is reporting on the last Rockets / Lakers game. They pulled this quote from Ron:
"'Five Dollar Foot-long' is one of the best songs," Artest said. "That's a hot song. You've got the FreeCreditReport.com, and then 'Five Dollar Foot-long' comes on. When 'Five Dollar Foot-long' comes on, they should play that in the club. They should play all those in the club."
I'm not making this shit up. Do you understand why I consider this guy a genious now? Game 7 of the second round. Contract year for Mr. Artest. Matched up against one of the games greats in Kobe. His face says he wants to kill. His eyes burn an intense fire. But in his head?
Five, five, five dollar foot long!
You got to love this guy. Your a class act in my book Captain Ron.
Ron does have me thinking though, about that hot chick from the five dollar foot long commercial. More on that later.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
playing the game
When your at a bar, and the bartender winks at you and flirts, it is natural to think that she is in to you. Your the best looking guy in the place, right? It seems like she is paying extra special attention to you. When she comes down to my section at the bar, she asks me first if I need another. The reality is your getting no extra attention. She comes down to your section of the bar because she has to. She asks if you need another because your drink is empty.
But these things, these don't concern a man when he is a couple deep at the local tavern. Without a doubt, bet the house on it certainty, this girl is into you. So you start with subtle stares that in all actuality are not so subtle. You try to make coy conversation and sound smooth and intelligent, when really your shouting. Loudly.
At this point, a common tendency is to develop some kind of unilateral relationship with this girl. And you know what? In the 15 minutes you've have known each other, things have been great. Confidence is back. With each would "you like a another?" and "so what are your plans for the weekend?" offerings of dialogue from this gorgeous bartender, your confidence swells, things are good. I'm back.
And then, when your basking in your accomplishments and patting yourself on the back, you notice out of the corner of your eye, that your most prized possession, is spending a little more time with the clean cut preppy guy at the end of the bar. And he tips. Big. So suddenly, your caught in a poker match for the attention of the bartender. You raise with a 3 dollar tip against his 2, he comes back with 4 for a 5 beer. Too rich for my blood! And she is gone. What could have been. Our children would have been beautiful.
In the grand scheme of things, the hot bartender went home alone. She probably has a boyfriend anyway, who works out and has a steady job. I sure know I need all of those things.
The great news is that tomorrow is a new day, and I can try again. Her shift starts at 3 PM.
But these things, these don't concern a man when he is a couple deep at the local tavern. Without a doubt, bet the house on it certainty, this girl is into you. So you start with subtle stares that in all actuality are not so subtle. You try to make coy conversation and sound smooth and intelligent, when really your shouting. Loudly.
At this point, a common tendency is to develop some kind of unilateral relationship with this girl. And you know what? In the 15 minutes you've have known each other, things have been great. Confidence is back. With each would "you like a another?" and "so what are your plans for the weekend?" offerings of dialogue from this gorgeous bartender, your confidence swells, things are good. I'm back.
And then, when your basking in your accomplishments and patting yourself on the back, you notice out of the corner of your eye, that your most prized possession, is spending a little more time with the clean cut preppy guy at the end of the bar. And he tips. Big. So suddenly, your caught in a poker match for the attention of the bartender. You raise with a 3 dollar tip against his 2, he comes back with 4 for a 5 beer. Too rich for my blood! And she is gone. What could have been. Our children would have been beautiful.
In the grand scheme of things, the hot bartender went home alone. She probably has a boyfriend anyway, who works out and has a steady job. I sure know I need all of those things.
The great news is that tomorrow is a new day, and I can try again. Her shift starts at 3 PM.
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