So I'm not really into Tom Cruise. People get give me a lot of crap for this. Hey he's a little guy like you, how can you hate on another vertically challenged dude? Look everyone, I just don't like him.
Why?
Katie Holmes.
But Mr. Gnome, how can you hate your own kind? Shouldn't all you smurfs stick together? Isn't that like Wesley Snipes hating on Danny Glover for being black? Well for starters, that isn't even a valid comparison, because both Wesley Snipes and Danny Glover can slam dunk a basketball, which I and Tom Cruise of course can't do unless we had a trampoline or some kind of rope suspension system that could pull one of us up there.
Oh, Mr. Gnome your enforcing some kind of stereotype saying they can slam dunk. Well, no I'm not!!!
Ever seen white men can't jump? Wesley Snipes can definitely slam dunk a basketball, and he rubs it in Woody Harrelson's face the whole damn movie.
Well what about Danny Glover? So your saying he can slam dunk too? Well Yes! Ever seen Predator 2? The dude kicked the piss out of the predator, I mean Apollo Creed couldn't do it in Predator 1 and Apollo is one ripped dude in Rocky, so safe to say if I was a betting man I would bet that Danny Glover could slam dunk a basketball, case closed.
Defeating Predator = Monster Jam Slam dunk
As I was saying, I'm not going to even begin to get onto Tom's religious beliefs. I'm even into Sci-fi but seriously that stuff is OUT there. I don't need any lawsuits, so I'll end it. Also for Katie's sake I don't want any beef with Tom, I respect her as a person. She was hot in that movie Go. Way hot. Pre Tom Cruise Katie Holmes just couldn't be beat. Dawson's Creek? That shit almost made me go out and by a row boat, I'm not kidding.
Tom Cruise cannot slam dunk a basketball. He can of course couch jump. Ever tried this? It's actually kind of fun. I did it as a kid, but doing it now is kind of exhilarating, give it a try sometime. I'm not so sure though doing it on national television on Oprah is a good idea, especially if people are starting to question your sanity. Now I don't think Oprah can slam dunk. But I can guarantee you this, she is built like a line backer, I'd take her on my flag football team any day before I took Tom Cruise.
So as I have clearly explained, and given plenty of hard evidence as to why, it should be easy to see why I'm just not into Tom Cruise, I mean I doubt I am the only person who has ever thought that Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise should have switched places on Rainman..... now Tom just be yourself! Hell of an actor!
